The Mystery of Mystery Boxes

Meet Le Parcel from LE PARCEL on Vimeo.

Maybe it’s just my nearing time-of-the-month, but you can imagine my confusion-induced-outrage when I happened upon this post from The Cut

‘Mystery Gifts in well-designed boxes make Periods Less Miserable’

With all the monthly subscription start-ups out there—Birchbox, GlossyBox, Umba BoxFancy BoxBark Box—it’s almost surprising no one’s come up with this one yet: Period box. (Box box?) The discreetly named Le Parcel aspires to eliminate the “awkward stares at the checkout line” (that you haven’t experienced since your fourteenth birthday) by delivering tampons right to your door. Tell Le Parcel your period’s ETA and your product of choice and, for $15, they’ll send you a supply kit that includes chocolate and a mystery gift each month. “Nature’s gift stinks so we’ll give you a better one,” the website promises. It’s frivolous, but I’m not one to underestimate the healing power of a well-timed present. Plus,TechCrunch loves it! Who says Silicon Valley is sexist? And what is it with menstruation-based start-ups and stop-motion videos?

LISTEN LADIES, IF YOU FEEL AWKWARD ABOUT BUYING TAMPONS IN THE CHECKOUT LINE THEN YOU ACTUALLY STILL ARE FOURTEEN. PEOPLE WHO THINK IT’S TABOO FOR WOMEN TO PURCHASE ‘FEMININE PAPER’ IN PUBLIC ARE THE SAME MOTHER FUCKERS WHO THINK WOMEN DON’T BURP OR FART. And the real kick in the nuts?! These boxes come with chocolate. I’m becoming a Lent practicing Christian.

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